the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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