hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize