I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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