whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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