please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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