Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
