peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
