We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
