Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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