I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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