I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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