I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just pee around me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
