Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
false alarm, still single
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
