Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
