It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
