Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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