You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
