Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
