Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's Friday. Sex?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
