We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
