Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I fill condoms, not promises.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
