just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
