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First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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