if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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