yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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