i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
