I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
