True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
