And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
