Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
