well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
