Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize