3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
one might say we're banned from that church
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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