But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if only i could text you this smell
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
