You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
