Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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