she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
