She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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