as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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