I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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