she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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