I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
