chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
