I puked a lego.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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