she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize