am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
