I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
