YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
