You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
