hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
