You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Found your dick twin last night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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