my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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