the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
