it wasn't lemon gatorade
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
