Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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