i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
