my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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