Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
