He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
