just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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