i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
