I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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