So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Pooping to opera.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
