My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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