I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
