Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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