I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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