i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
